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About mirgarza77

mirgarza77 started this conversation

My name is Miriam, and I live in south Texas. I am 31 and soon to be 32. Oh geez, I hate the sound to that! I found this website by mere coincidence or perhaps by the grace of GOD.

Let me tell you a bit about me. I have a BA in communication sciences and disorders and I am a fully certified special needs teacher. I have 8 years of experience in this field and absolutely love it.

I am the youngest of 5 children. My siblings are married and have families of their own. My father just turned 70 and suffers from depression. I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer 2 years ago and that has been the worst experience of my life. She had been misdiagnosed for almost a year and lived in pain and confusion up until diagnosis.

My GOD...watching the greatest love of my life wither away was soooooo painful for me. On September 3, 2006, I witnessed my mother's passing. Those moments are so fresh in my memory and replay them like a fluent movie almost every night.

The past 4 years have been miserable. In part because I lost 1/2 of my heart and 1/2 of my soul the day mom died. Then the relationship I was in turned out to be a scam because he had lied to me for almost year. He was married! Unfortunatley, a month after mom died, I discovered that I was pregnant and after learning about his secret, I nearly hated myself to almost the point of suicide.

Because the knowledge of my pregnancy wasn't convinient to him, he decided to physically harm me and I lost my child. THEN the depression hit. I lost my job soon after, and had nothing to live off of. My friends were the greatest because they kept me fed and kept my utilities running.

My family was in bad shape already and I was not too important to them at the time because they all had their own issues.

Now, I am grateful to having a job, but I am in such financial dismay that I just got paid today and I am already at - 112 dollars in the bank. I still have another 30 days before I see some money again. I have yet to catch up on bills and necessities because I lost it all when mom died.

The only thing I owned was stolen in November. I had just moved to a smaller apartment in a not so good part of town and upon my 2nd night there I was burglerized and had everything stolen.

This year alone, I was diagnosed with a breast lump, and SJorgens. My dental condition is beyond my means to repair. I lost 6 molars already and it has affected me tremendoulsy because I have no funds to get dental  work.

I am eagerly trying to find a better paying job so that I can have better insurance and be able to have a salary that will enable me to live comfortably. I have submitted so many resumes to pharmaceutical companies in search of a sales position. Getting a job of that sort is like finding a needle in a haystack.

I cry often...because I really want to have a family, and traditions. I lost all that when mom died. I want to have Christmas and 4th of July celebrations again.  My personal life is just about non-exist because I have yet to find a man who is genuine and sincere with a great heart and an awesome sense of humor. I have already convinced myself that NOT everyone is entitled to happiness!...:)

Click here to add your comment...
 in response to Resourceful-Soul...   

You aren't just a "Resourceful Soul" but a  loving one too. Your message was so uplifting in the sense that I am not the only one in this world who is suffering every day of their lives!

I am a firm believer that GOD will always watch over me and never give me something I can't handle. BUT...He sure thinks highly of me...BY sending lots of obstacles.

Thank you for responding and I'd love to add you as my friend!


Talk to mirgarza77

Some times, bad things happen to good people.  I've been there myself, and sadly, on more than one occasion.  I lost my father whom I was very close to at the tender age of 16.  Then, I lost my beloved mother on December 13, 2001.  She suffered from emphysema and in addition had three heart attacks, diabetes, and severe allergies, so she suffered for several years before she passed away...I miss her so bad...still to this day, I have days that are tough because I miss her so much, but I try to hang on to the precious memories I have, and know that she isn't suffering anymore, and that I will see her again some day.  As for me, I've dealt with depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and migranes from the time I was a little girl.  And I am Bipolar II.  Because of those issues, along with "life"...pregnant at 17...the father I caught cheating not long before giving birth.  And I've had to deal with financial struggles most of my adult life, and due to my bipolar have lost several jobs, attempted suicide three or so times (sadly I lost count), lost a live in relationship and a marriage, eventually gave up college, was evicted from my home in which I lost most all my belongings, including precious life long belongings, and lost not one, not two, but three cars, lost a home I once actually owned & there's more, but I'll stop there.

Just hang in there, take things one day at a time.  Deal with each issue and problem one at a time.  Prioritize the most important issues first...then work off that list.  Just don't let yourself get to down or overwhelmed because that's when things can really snow ball & get worse.  Get some counseling to help you through the most difficult times...there are pro-bono & sliding fee counselors out there....and the free clinics are a really great source, not just for medical, but DENTAL and counseling.  Most counties offer sliding fee scale medical & dental programs too, if you don't qualify for the free clinics.  Also, same with your debts...prioritize...organize and work on paying them down one at a time...file bankruptcy if you have to....I did.  Also, for extra money...sign up with marketing companies & do demos, pr, product sampling, etc...they have jobs where you can work one day or three days in a row & pay anywhere from $12 to $24 an hour....try Advantage Sales & Marketing, NARMS or ICCDS.  Apply for food stamps, apply for a free SafeLink Cell Phone, apply for heating/air assistance, be a frugally smart shopper... use coupons, rideshare...what ever you can to cut down expenses and save.   Find a Goodwill & shop there inexpensively...they even have a store online.  Also, join Freecycle in your area...they have a group that offers anything & everything free...first come, first serve.  People post things they have available to give away...and you do the same. 

I have (as well as many great other people here do to) a website that has TONS of resource links, to include:  finding free clinics, dental programs, counseling, jobs, utility assistance, rental assistance, etc., etc.  Resourcefully For You ... Be sure to check it can find links to all the ideas I posted above & more.  Just take advantage of any & all the assistance out there.  I didn't mean to write this much, but I'd rather take my time and be as thorough and helpful as I can to one person, than giving 10 people a quick line of jabber.  Good luck to you, and day, one issue at a time.  And I don't know if your religious or not, but it really does help to pray & trust in God.

Talk to Resourceful-Soul